What is a Fertility Mud Bath?

mud bath to increase fertility

Mud baths are thick, black and… well, muddy! This much I knew before I climbed into one, but there is certainly much more to them than that. In this post I share my fertility mud bath experience.

Black Oxygen Organics – Fulvic Mud Bath – Reduce the Effects of Inflammation and Oxidative Stress – Detox and Revitalize the Body

Mud baths have been used here in the Bavarian Alps to treat infertility for over 150 years. Recently, scientific studies conducted by Dr. med. André-Michael Beer have backed up this claim by showing that the peat here contains substances that impact the regulation of hormones – in addition to stimulating circulation and activating metabolism.

After learning about the power of these mud baths my husband and I headed there for a two week vacation at the beginning of this year.

We signed up for the ‘Peat Baby’ program, and I came home pregnant! The pregnancy turned out to be ectopic, but it was the first time I had ever been pregnant. It was possible.

What isn’t possible though, is to say if the pregnancy was due solely, in-part or not at all to the mud baths since it was only one of the many things I was doing to boost my fertility. A positive pregnancy test was reason enough to try again though.

So, last Friday I began another fertility mud bath treatment session. I’ll be going every other day (excluding weekends) for a total of five mud baths.

 

What is a Fertility Mud Bath Like?

fertility mud bathWhen I arrive in the little room a woman helps me take off my robe and I step into the black concoction. I’m told to step into the far end of the tub and then sit down.

Getting into mud this thick really does require instructions. Once my feet are in I sit down on the mud (stress ‘on’), lean back and wiggle until I am submerged up to my neck.

Copper Coil

As I’m making the final adjustments to my position the lady begins to spread the mud over my body so that everything is evenly covered – except for the area over my heart. This area she wipes clear and places a cold copper coil. Very cold.

When I ask her what this is for she says simply to relieve the strain on the heart. ‘Strain on my heart?’ Before my look of confusion fades the lady has left the room.

Now, I get to sit in here for the next 15 minutes and enjoy the warm mud- 102.2 degrees warm to be exact. Each time I’ve taken the mud bath, my body has reacted differently. Sometimes, I feel like the bath is nice and warm and sometimes I think I may explode from the heat as the sweat pores down my forehead.

Yesterday was the later. At this point, I’ve submerged my hands and arms in the mud as well and I can’t resist squishing the peat through my fingers. It’s not the smooth pureed mixture I expected. In fact, I can feel little sticks and clumps that are fun to break apart. This distracts me quite well from the heat because before long the lady is back and says I can get out.

As she helps me get out and shower off, the two little glass doors open up and a strong arm reaches in to pull the tub out. I hear a cheerful “good morning” and the tub disappears.

 

Where Does the Mud Go?

It turns out that the mud is one use only. Every other morning a truckload is ‘harvested’ and brought to the different spa hotels in town. After its one use, the mud is recycled. Recycled?

I asked how long it takes to recycle peat, and I’m told so long that they haven’t even used any recycled mud yet. For some reason this makes me feel better  – like I’m sitting in the original fully potent stuff.

 

That Mud Bath Feeling

After I’m bundled back in my robe, I head to the quite relaxation room where I’m wrapped in two blankets with my feet elevated. This is the best part. I fully relax. I’m tired and calm. And a perfect warmth has engulfed my body.

They say mud baths can be exhausting. It’s true. I’m pretty tired. I’ve been going to bed early and have even taken one nap since I started the treatments. I have three more to go, let’s see what happens.

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Laparoscopic Surgery for an Ectopic Pregnancy

Laparoscopy Treatment

My mind is trying to grasp reality: I have an ectopic pregnancy; it could explode at any moment. The mass has grown to approximately 2 cm in diameter in my tube. With urgency in his voice my doctor asks when I last ate. I stumble over my words still trying to swallow my diagnosis, “About 10 minutes ago.” I will be undergoing laparoscopic surgery for an ectopic pregnancy.

 

Urgency

He frowns. We need to get you into surgery as soon as possible but we’ll have to wait at least four hours since you last ate.

“Your surgery will be at 4pm. The nurse will come up to your room to prepare you and you’ll have the time until then to mentally prepare yourself.”

I turn to leave and as soon as I step outside his office, tears roll down my face. I’m going in for surgery. There is not one more ounce of hope: this pregnancy is over. 

“I’m scared,” is all I can say to Richard.

laparoscopic surgery for an ectopic pregnancyHe holds my hand all the way back to my room. The nurse comes in shortly after we arrive and asks Richard to leave. Everything is feeling more and more like surgery. She gives me an enema and tells me she can shave off my pubic hair or I can do myself in the shower if I prefer.

“Here are some Q-tips to clean your bellybutton too,” she says before leaving the room.

Feeling Terrified

My breathing is shallow and my whole body is stiff. I’m scared. All I can do is try to concentrate on the ‘tasks’ I now have to do.

Richard comes back in and asks how I’m doing as I hold the liquid in a place where liquid is not meant to be inserted.

“I have five minutes until I can go to the bathroom,” I tell him while concentrating.

He somehow manages to make me laugh distracting me from my urge to watch the seconds go by on my watch. Finally, the five minutes are over.

 

Shower

Next, it’s into the shower. I look down in disbelief that I have to do this. Richard waits next to the shower at my request – my tube could theoretically explode any minute. Really though I want him there for moral support. I begin shaving away. It’s a really weird feeling going bald. There seems to be no progress as I try a myriad of different techniques and angles.

Richard is patiently waiting for me and inquires about my progress. “Almost done,” I assure him.

I come out of the shower with no more hair and a clean belly button. “Looks pretty strange, eh?” I ask knowing the answer.

“Yes, that is”, he confirms.

 

Laparoscopic Surgery for an Ectopic Pregnancy – Waiting!

We killed only an hour. We have three more hours until I go into the laparoscopic surgery procedure. What the hell am I going to do until then?

We talk. Richard reads me an article out of The Oprah Magazine. As time goes by I get more and more accustomed to the fact that I will be having surgery.

My fear does not subside but, I’ve accepted the fact.

Every little twinge in my side makes me paranoid. What if it explodes before surgery? I’m too concerned. I call the nurse in to tell her I’m having pain in my side. She sees the fear on my face and nods her head like she doesn’t know what to do with the information.

To be completely honest, I don’t even know if the pain is real or imagined.

 

Laparoscopic Surgery for an Ectopic Pregnancy

It’s a quarter to four when the nurse comes in. She is here to take me to surgery. “You need to leave your glasses here”, she says. I put my glasses on the tray next to my bed leaving me completely blind. I say goodbye to Richard as she rolls me out of the room on my bed.

We’re in the elevator and once we roll out into a hallway I realize we’re in a part of the hospital I have never been in. Everything is going by in a blur. She rolls my bed into the prep room.

A doctor is there to help me move over to the surgery bed. I hate that I can’t see his face as he talks to me and tells me where to put my arms.

At this point I wish they would just put me out. I don’t want to know what is going on as I’m being prepped. I’m just getting more and more nervous as my surroundings become more unfamiliar.

 

Laparoscopic Surgery Anesthesia

I’m rolled into the surgery room by the faceless man. The anesthesiologist goes over some paperwork with me and asks me if I ate anything since noon. Please will you put me out?

Somehow, I realize this is not going to happen soon, so I decide to concentrate on calming myself down. I begin to breathe deeply and say a mantra in my head. My body begins to relax. Meanwhile, the anesthesiologist is using my stomach as a table to finalize the forms.

“Sign here,” he says. I can’t even see that there is a line to sign on. I squint and make my best guess.

Back to breathing. I listen to my heart rate beep on the machine next to me and breathe in for two counts and out for four. The needle is now in my hand it must start working soon …

 

After Laparoscopic Surgery for an Ectopic Pregnancy

Convulsing, cold and pain. That is all I can remember from waking up in my room. Richard, however, remembers it quite vividly.

The doctor came down to my room before I was out of surgery to tell Richard that it went very well. As they were talking, the nurse rolled me in my room on my bed.

Pain

My body was convulsing and my eyes were moving independently of each other. In pain, I pleaded for someone to give me something for my pain. I heard voices assuring me they were working on it.

When my pain did not subside I asked why I heard promises but I still had pain. The pain was accompanied by an indescribable cold.

Cold

Having been winter camping for three nights in northern Wisconsin I know what cold is, but after that surgery I felt an indescribable frigidness that topped those nights in the tent. The nurse tucked another blanket around me. And the doctor affectionately brushed his hand along my check.

Richard asked half frustrated, half jokingly if he should run to the pharmacy and get me something for my pain. He then turned to the nurse and asked if this was normal. She could see that he knew the answer was no.

But the explanation as to why I had to endure this was what Richard was after. The nurse looked him in the eye and explained,

“The standard procedure is for the patient to wake up in the wake-up room where drugs are administered that wake the patient up slowly and treat their pain. For this, the patient has to be connected to a breathing machine. We only have the staff here for that during the week. This is an emergency surgery; we usually do not do surgeries here on the weekend.”

In short, they don’t have the staff here to give me a warm fuzzy wake-up.

Eventually, the doctor and nurse left my room and Richard sat next to my bed and held my hand while I moaned in pain. Impatiently waiting for the nurse to return with pain medication, Richard finally pressed the call button.

Relief at Last

Less than a minute later the nurse came into my room with an IV of pain relief. It seemed to take forever but the medication did take effect and my moans got softer.

My brain started to function normally as the evening went on. I woke up and saw Richard reading a magazine in the chair at the foot of my bed. Later, I opened my eyes to see my fertility doctor standing just inside my room. He had a concerned look on his face and didn’t seem to know what to say. I thanked him for making the decision to send me in to the hospital. He nodded and that is all I can remember.

As I became more coherent, I became scared. Thoughts crept into my head uninvited. Did everything go OK? I am going to heal completely?

Richard assured me the My laparoscopic surgery was a complete success.

The evening turned into night and I began fading in and out of sleep. Richard sat by my bed and held my hand. His voice always has the most soothing effect on me.

Tonight was no different. “Can you tell me a story?” I innocently requested.

“Of course”, came the reply I was longing to hear. “There once was a lizard walking through a meadow…” I drifted to sleep.

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Fertility Massage Experience

massage for fertility

This must be the hardest post to start writing. I’m going to let you in on a little secret I’ve been harboring about my fertility massage experience.

Strange, really when you think about the topics I’ve poured my heart out over so far – my health, my infertility, my miscarriages.

So what’s with the hesitation to write about a massage?

Well, it’ll become clear shortly because I’ve decided – after much reflection – to write about it.

People may judge me on this and I am, as they say, making myself vulnerable by sharing something so private. But there’s a need inside me just to write it like it is.

This is my experience of life and I think I’ll get more out of my time here and hopefully help others by sharing my experience with my massages to increase fertility openly.

I’m not saying that I’m totally comfortable with my family reading this blog though, but hey, if you are my family and you’re reading this than feel free to read on but know that it may get uncomfortable for you.

 

Let’s Look at the Benefits of a Fertility Massage

Before going on with my post let’s briefly look at the benefits of massages for fertility.

  • Improves lymphatic, circulatory & nervous systems by increasing blood flow to reproductive & pelvic organs by relieving congestion & misalignment to these organs.
  • Strengthens and tones the uterus and surrounding ligaments to optimize fertilization and embryo implantation.
  • Increases a sense of well being, strengthening the immune system, and stimulating the balanced production of hormones.

 

Maya Abdominal Massages Not Like a Fertility Massage

fertility massageLet me get to the story.

My husband and I made a fertility plan back in February, which I wrote about in my blog: Fertility Planning.

Turns out I was miscarrying at the time when we made the plan (thought it was just my period), but now we’re back to the fertility plan and, we decided not to amend it. On the schedule for April was Maya Abdominal Massages to increase fertility.

I’ve done these massages before while I was in Chicago on an extended trip. They were outstanding. But the thing is, I don’t live in Chicago and the closest Maya Abdominal massage therapist from where I live now is four hours away.

What I did find nearby was a massage therapist visiting from South America that was offering womb massages for fertility.

“Maybe it’ll be similar to the Maya Abdominal Massages since the cultures of South America are probably similar to the cultures of the Maya area”, was my naïve line of thinking.

 

My Fertility Massage- an Very Unusual Experience!

The massage to increase fertility and the Mayan massage for fertility that I’ve experienced before have absolutely nothing in common.

The first appointment I had with this therapist was for a regular massage back in March for my birthday. I thought it would be good just to see how I liked the therapist in general before going in for a fertility massage.

It was amazing. But there’s a bit of an issue. Yes, let’s call it an issue!

During the massage I became aroused. Yes, I’m writing that here in black on white!

What can I say, I’m human and, my body reacted that way to the massage. Was that the therapist’s intentions? I don’t know, but if I were pressured to answer I would say it’s probably yes. And for those of you that have a curiosity that’s running wild, let me help you, the massage therapist is a man and no, I am in no way attracted to him.

 

Relaxing or Irritating

After the massage, I sat on the massage bench and he asked me how I liked the massage for fertility.

The voice that came out of me was not one I was familiar with. It was deeper and lighter. I was in a relaxed state that I’ve only reached a few times before in my adult life (usually after days of meditation).

This was pure relaxation with a slight feeling of irritation. Yes, irritation. How can I be irritated after hours of massage? Because I was aroused, but had done everything in my willpower not to succumb to what every cell in my body wanted.

Now, for the thoughts in my head: “Do I tell him this?” “Is my husband going to be mad?” “Am I a bad person?”

 

Fessing Up to My Fertility Masseuse

All I could decide on the spot in such a state is that I would tell him that I couldn’t totally relax because of the arousal factor and next time it would be good if he could prevent that so that I can totally relax.

This would be a tough conversation to have if we both spoke the same language, but we don’t, so it was really tough.

We spoke in choppy English sentences and I left not knowing if he fully understand what I meant and also wondering if he understood that I was transformed by and very grateful for his massage.

 

A Free Fertility Massage

massage to increase fertilityI needed three full weeks to reflect on all this and talk to my husband who said as long as I don’t feel violated he doesn’t see a problem. And then I called for second appointment.

This is where things start to get a little overwhelming.

The fertility massage therapist said he wanted to give me a longer massage this time – for free. I asked him why for free, and at the end of our choppy English dialogue, he said that it is a gift to be able to help me and it gives him more experience.

I’m sorry, but these are the best massages of my life and he needs experience?

I guess it’s important to say here that this is not your average massage therapist. He comes from the Amazon Rainforest and has spent years in ashrams.

Oh yes, and after giving me a massage he said thank you several times.

 

Fertility Massage Number 2

So about massage number two. A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. It began at 3:00 in the afternoon and ended at 9:00 at night. Yes, it was six hours long!

I couldn’t possibly describe in words the massage, but to say that it was like a dance where I was being touched and moved to the tone of devotion to healing – to which I surrendered.

I am not describing a dream; I am describing a real life experience.

 

The Catch?

Is your brain where my brain is: “There must be a catch?”

Maybe there is a catch; maybe I’m missing something. But why do we always have to assume the worst? Why not enjoy life how it is today instead of postulating everything that could be wrong.

I had told him during this second massage that he needs to make sure to keep a very good distance so that I do not become aroused. I was able to keep it together for the first five hours, but during the last hour I – or shall I say my body – gave in, again!

 

Time to Leave

I quickly got up to leave. I told him that I can’t do that in my culture and he said that it’s hard for him to massage according to conditions. In his culture the massage is for the body as a whole.

When I got home I talked with my husband about my unusual, but best fertility massage experience ever, and in a nutshell, he said that if I feel that it is helping me heal and I’m comfortable with the massage than that is all he needs to know.

Before we went to bed he added in a soft but sure tone, “I know where your heart is.”

Again, this conversation, just like the massage, really happened – it was not a dream.

 

My Husband is Awesome!

The next morning we talked about it again as I was still struggling with what I have learned to be an acceptable cultural behavior, and he again had nothing but comforting, wise words for me, “It used to be that when a woman needed CPR in public it wasn’t performed because it was improper to touch her breast.” He went on to say that for him what is important is that I find healing.

After our talks I felt so accepted and so loved. It was one of the most bonding talks I have ever had with my husband. We’ve known each other now for almost sixteen years and somehow I feel like we’re entering a new level of understanding and love. One that is about something deeper than rules and structure, but about living life and doing everything we can to help each other to find health and happiness.

This massage for fertility is bringing my body and soul to a place I have always dreamed they would be.

I’ll also tell you that I am not the only one that benefited from the massage. The following weekend was one of the most intimate weekends my husband and I have ever had. I mean, what was I to do with a feeling of arousal that lasted for three intense days.

Very happy me! Very happy husband!

I called the massage therapist today to say thank you. I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude that I have the privilege of receiving another massage.

And now I can let go of my conflicting feelings and enjoy the massage for the transforming experience that it is, which has very little to do with the aspect of arousal and everything to do with the healing of body and soul.

Infertility Support Group

Fertility support group

Studies show that psychotherapy alleviates anxiety and depression for women going through infertility – probably something a lot of us could benefit from. But to be totally honest, this wasn’t reason enough for me to go out and join an infertility support group and become one of  ‘those’ people.

 

Can Psychotherapy Increase Fertility?

That is until I did the in-depth research for the Stress Reduction Page and came across numerous studies that gave me the all powerful motivation: psychotherapy seems to improve fertility.

I’ve done crazier things to try and get pregnant – like sit in the mud, drink olive oil, become a human pin cushion – but somehow going to a support group wasn’t something I saw myself doing.

We go to the dentist when our teeth hurt, but going to get help when we need support emotionally is something that so many of us resist. The possibility that it may boost my fertility, though, was enough to tip the scale.

 

Finding an Infertility Support Group Near Me

infertility support groupI found a support group near me, and after filing the info away for several months, I finally did it: I called. I showed up and became one of ‘those’ people – whatever that means.

Telling my infertility story to a group of women that know exactly what it’s like was so, well, therapeutic. They knew. I didn’t have to explain why I had an overwhelming feeling of sadness at the announcement of a friend’s pregnancy. I didn’t need to justify myself – I could see it in their eyes – they knew. The knot in my stomach started to dissolve and quite honestly, I felt relieved.

 

The Support Felt Great!

When I left, I was surprised how much better I felt.

In hindsight, I have no idea why I was so surprised. It’s certainly not new that women need and rely on one another. We have issues that men just don’t have and sometimes there’s just no substitute for sharing an experience with women who know exactly what you’re going through. They also have good advice including how to deal with and help with your partner’s emotional needs – advice that your partner can’t give you.

 

The Benefits of an Infertility Support Group

RESOLVE, the not-for-profit national infertility association, lists on its website several benefits for participation in a support group like enhanced self-esteem and decreased sense of isolation.

I can say that I’ve experienced both of these. Now, if I could just experience the ultimate benefit that is showing up in the studies I’ve researched and is also mentioned on the RESOLVE website, “… a 2000 study found that attendees of RESOLVE support groups had higher pregnancy rates than women who didn’t attend a support group” (1).

Until then, I’m going to enjoy the fact that going to an infertility support group makes me feel better.

If you are seeking an Infertility Support Group near you, check out the groups listed on the RESOLVE website HERE.

Infertility and Celiac Disease

Celiac Disease and Infertility

In this article we look at the link between infertility and Celiac Disease. Numerous studies have indicated that celiac disease may be more common in people with unexplained infertility, and that treatment may help restore fertility. Celiac has been linked to recurrent miscarriage, premature babies, and low-birth-weight babies.

 

What’s gluten?

Gluten is a protein found in wheat, rye and barley. It turns out that in approximately 1 out of 100 healthy Americans the immune system responds to the consumption of this protein by attacking the wall of the small intestine – harming its ability to absorb nutrients from food. An astonishing 97% of these people, however, do not even know they have this condition – called celiac disease. (1)

 

The Link Between Infertility and Celiac Disease

A lot! In fact, the University of Chicago says, “Any individual who has experienced persistent miscarriage or infertility where a medical cause could not be found needs to be tested for celiac disease.”(2) And they are not alone in their recommendation: The Wm. K. Warren Medical Research Center for Celiac Disease recommends 16 situations and/or conditions for which celiac should be considered, one of which is: “unexplained infertility or miscarriage” (3).

And although the probability of having celiac disease is around 1% for the average healthy American, the probability increases to 6% for women with unexplained infertility (1).

 

A Case of Infertility and Celiac Disease

infertility and celiac diseaseStacey Roberts from Sharkey’s Healing Center shared a case in her August 2008 newsletter that she had of a couple who had been trying to conceive for three years and received the diagnosis of unexplained infertility.

After one failed IVF cycle and a few months of herbs from the healing center with no success, the center recommend that the woman get tested for celiac disease since she had also mentioned having mild digestive problems (which did not respond to diet adjustments).

Her doctor was opposed to the idea, but did the tests anyway. The tests came back positive and after three months on a gluten-free diet the couple conceived and was in their second trimester when the newsletter was published.

 

Celiac Disease


Haven’t heard of celiac disease? This isn’t because it’s rare – it’s more common than Crohn’s Disease, Cystic Fibrosis, Multiple Sclerosis and Parkinson’s disease – combined (4). But this disease is not well known by the general public, or well understood by general practitioners, nor is it easy to diagnose: the average delay in diagnosis in the United States after the onset of symptoms is four years (1).

There are more than 200 signs and symptoms of celiac disease (2), but only 10% of patients have what are considered typical symptoms (5) and 41% of patients have no symptoms at all (1).

The Wm. K. Warren Medical Research Center for Celiac Disease at the University of California, San Diego states that the symptoms for celiac disease are varied, but may include any of the following (3):

  • Bloating, gas or abdominal pain
  • Diarrhea or constipation
  • Chronic fatigue and weakness
  • Indigestion
  • Itchy skin rash
  • Fatigue and weakness
  • Irritability or behavior change
  • Unexplained weight loss
  • Delayed growth
  • Mouth ulcers
  • Tingling or numbness in hands & feet

 

How is Celiac Disease Treated?

The treatment of celiac disease is a gluten-free diet for life. But experts strongly discourage going on a gluten-free diet until a firm diagnosis has been made since a gluten-free diet (even for just a month) makes a diagnosis difficult (6).

 

Is a Gluten-free Diet Everyone’s Solution?

No. Absolutely not. But since it’s not recognized well by doctors, it may be up to the patient to pay attention to their own signs and symptoms and suggest the testing.

 

Why am I so Interested in Infertility and Celiac Disease?


infertility and celiacI’ve been suffering from digestive issues for a while now. They include bloating, constipation, and blood in the stool. Unfortunately, I started a gluten-free diet before I being tested.

Gluten Challenge

If I wanted a definitive diagnosis now, after a gluten-free diet, I would have to do what is called a gluten challenge and eat gluten for 2-4 weeks before taking the tests.

If I have celiac disease, this would mean damaging my intestine to get a diagnosis. And not all patients can even test at the end of the four week challenge: some may have to wait years to relapse (7). I don’t have years in terms of fertility. So I’ve decided against going through this for a diagnosis.

Not Sticking to the Diet

Over the past few months, I’ve fallen off the gluten-free diet a bit. I’ve traveled a lot which leads to eating out, which leads to unintentionally ingesting gluten – if you’ve been on a gluten-free diet you know how easily this happens with gluten hiding in everything from spices, to pasta sauces, to grilled fish.

I’ve also been unknowingly including another food item that many experts think may not be safe – oats. I’ve had them almost every morning for breakfast.

Sticking with a Gluten Free Diet

I’m on a 100% gluten-free diet now though. For the last week I’ve strictly followed it – no eating out and no items with any questionable ingredients (it takes only ¼ gram of wheat to cause damage (8)).

The blood in my stool has completely disappeared and I haven’t had any spells of fatigue, nor found any sources that mention a link between gluten and blood in the stool, but I have tested it time and time again and for me it’s linked.

I haven’t been able to gain any weight, yet, but perhaps that’s coming. We’ll see how this 100% gluten-free diet goes. I do wish I had gotten a diagnosis first, though.

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How Long to Wait After Miscarriage?

Infertility After Miscarriage

What I seek to know is how long to wait after miscarriage before we need to focus on conceiving again? I mean, how hard can it be to take a little break from the whole fertility topic?

Pretty damn hard if you have a post miscarriage check-up scheduled in which your gynecologist wants to discuss your fertility planning.

Originally I thought, I have to be there anyway so what’s a twenty minute fertility chat?

Oh, the ramifications.

 

Getting the Answers to ‘How Long to Wait After Miscarriage?’

I was on the ever so comfortable chair with my feet in the air looking at an ultrasound image hanging from the ceiling.

She was maneuvering the wand around to get a look at my ovaries, my uterus, and my notorious fallopian tubes when she noticed that my left fallopian tube was slightly swollen. Not that I could identify it on the monitor, but she went on to explain that this could be the remnants of an ectopic pregnancy that my body is still recovering from. And then she opened the conversation, “You need to give your body a chance to heal before you begin trying again to conceive.”

I could see she thought she was going to meet some resistance from me, but I already knew we had to wait out this cycle – no big deal.

How Long to Wait After Miscarriage?Not quite!

She stopped looking at the ultrasound monitor, looked me straight in the eye, and said, “You need to wait three months before trying again.”

I protested immediately.

“What? That seems extreme. That’s how long we waited after my ectopic pregnancy surgery and this is certainly much less for my body to recover from.”

She went on to explain that my body needs one normal healthy cycle before we begin trying again. The current cycle is your miscarriage cycle, the next one isn’t going to be normal so after the third cycle you can try again,” she said with a stern compassion.

Given my long cycles though, it could be June before we can try again to conceive!

She could tell: I was not on the same page.

 

My Fallopian Tubes

After a little more explaining she moved right on to the next topic. My fallopian tubes. She said it would be pointless to keep trying if in-fact my tubes are blocked or compromised, and recommended that I have them checked to see if they are clear.

Oh boy. Now, I’m really not with her. Not on a different page – I’m in an entirely different book!

I already had my tubes checked (a few months before I had my ectopic pregnancy, actually) and they came out clear. So while the surgery could have created a blocked right tube, it does not seem like the test is any indication that they are going to function properly. I supposed if it turned up that both my tubes were blocked it would be good to know, but I had just become pregnant so, obviously, they’re not.

 

Fertility with IVF??

I started to get up and she asked me when my last breast exam was. With this infertility issue dominating my visits I had to say I couldn’t remember so I moved over to the table and she began the breast exam and continued the fertility planning conversation. Oh, joy.

She got right to the point, “You need to think about how long you are going to try on your own. I would give it six months and then consider going right to IVF.”

This hit me like a ton of bricks. Basically, she’s not rooting for my body anymore; she thinks it’s time to jump ship. So to emphasize her point she then added what no one with infertility likes to hear, “The clock is ticking.”

I hate to be so critical because, if my gynecologist isn’t going to be frank and inform me about the factors influencing my fertility then who will? The thing is: I already know all this information.

I’m what one might call over-informed. I know the role age plays in my fertility and that IVF works best before age 35. I know that the more miscarriages I have the more bleak the statistics look for me. But – and this is a big but – if I’m listening to my body and making lifestyle changes and doing therapies that cause positive changes in my body then I feel there’s still a chance.

So until the progress plateaus: I won’t be turning to invasive methods.

 

‘How Long to Wait After Miscarriage?’ … Mmm Not Long!

Before I was even out of the building I called my husband, “I need lots of hugs and some soul food.”

We cooked up some fajitas – with extra guacamole and without the shells. And I got lots of hugs. But it was inevitable; we talked about our fertility planning.

I couldn’t stuff my feelings and frustration away. One thing became clear; we don’t plan on waiting a full three cycles until we try again. We plan on waiting one full cycle after my miscarriage cycle. I don’t think my body needs three cycles and I know too many women that have had their first healthy child immediately after a miscarriage – one of these women is my mother.

Well, so much for that break from the infertility topic and thank god for hugs and fajitas.

Pregnant or Signs of Miscarriage?

miscarriage symptoms

Last week in my blog about upgrading my fertility diet, I wrote about the “occasional bout of fatigue” that I still had. Well it turns out that those occasional bouts of fatigue were due to the fact that I was pregnant and had had a miscarriage. So, how did I miss the signs of miscarriage? And how could someone who is trying so hard to conceive not know she’s pregnant?

Quite easily: with a negative pregnancy test and my period.

OK let’s start from the beginning.

 

First Signs of Miscarriage

My last cycle was 36 days. I was taking my temperature each morning so I know I ovulated around cycle day 26 (yes, this is very late). And since my luteal phase seems to be around 10 days long right now, I took a pregnancy test on cycle day 36. The test was negative and my period started the next day.

File away another cycle. Or so I thought.

My period was not the usual five days of bleeding. It was eight days and I had a few bouts of fatigue during this never ending period. I thought this was a bit strange, but I’m so used to randomness with my renegade cycle. So I noted the difference and chalked it up as to be observed.

 

Experiencing More Signs of Miscarriage

signs of miscarriageOver the next week, though, I experienced some spotting. I never spot around mid cycle. This was officially out of the ordinary. But things became really strange last Sunday (cycle day 15).

With new powder on the ground, I got up early, grabbed my skis and headed off with my husband and some friends to the mountains. For me, the day ended before it even got started.

I made two turns in the deep powder and sat down. I was too tired to ski.

What the #*@! ?

I was appalled. This fatigue thing is going too far. I can’t ski one powder run? I wasn’t out of breath and didn’t have the strength.

Somehow I made it down the powder run – more rolling than skiing but, hey, you do what you gotta do!

When I reached the lift, I announced that I’d be sticking to the groomed trails for the next few runs. Yet this wasn’t working either. Before the lunch break I had to part with my new friend that joined me on the groomed runs and say, “Well, I can’t ski anymore, I’m too tired.” I had no explanation, nor was I wasn’t feel sick. I just couldn’t find an ounce of strength.

 

Feeling Tired and Frustrated

fatigue due to miscarriageAfter lunch, I thought maybe I’d be energized and be able to head back out.

Nope.

Instead I waved goodbye as they all headed out of the ski hut. I played a little Sudoku on my cell phone, stared out the window at the beautiful mountains and then laid my head on the table and slept – for over an hour.

I tried not to be frustrated, but when we made it home the frustration oozed out and I cried to my husband, “What’s going on?” Neither of us had an answer, but tomorrow would shed a whole new light on the situation.

 

Is Having Cramps a Miscarriage Sign?

I woke up on Monday and headed down to my yoga matt – like I always do. Halfway into the Sun Salutation posture series, I found myself lying on the floor – in pain. I pulled the nearest blanket over me and moaned in pain until my husband got up.

“What’s happening?” he asked with concern and his eyes barely opened.

“I need to call my gynecologist as soon as the office opens. I’m having cramps.”

My husband covered me with a big blanket and curled up next to me on my yoga matt.

The cramps began to subside after what seemed like an eternity – probably more like thirty minutes. I then called my gynecologist’s office and explained that I needed an appointment today – not tomorrow – today!

 

My Examination with my Gynecologist

My appointment was set for 1:15. By late morning I recovered, however, the spotting had increased. Anxiously, I headed downtown to my gynecologist’s office and kept myself quite distracted from any what-if-scenarios.

She did the usual exam and ultrasound and found nothing. No cysts. Zero fluid. No visible ectopic pregnancy. No signs of anything. The only thing she discovered was that my uterus was very tender – the yelp I let out and the tears streaming out of my eyes where apparently a dead giveaway. She told me to go home and rest and she’d call me later with the results from the blood work.

 

I was Pregnant, and I Miscarried

It was 5:30 in the evening and my cell rang. It was my gynecologist. She cleared her throat and said it straight away, “It turns out you were pregnant, but you miscarried.”

Scared. Sad. Happy. These were my emotions; in that order. At about the speed with which you read them – I had them.

Scared because what if this is another ectopic. Sad because I just miscarried. Happy because I had gotten pregnant.

She talked to me for about 15 minutes answering my onslaught of questions. And then she had me do what I knew was inevitable: make an appointment to get my HCG values checked to make sure they return to zero – indicating that the pregnancy is not ectopic.

The chances of this being an ectopic pregnancy are slim since I have bled so much, but apparently they aren’t zero and, as my gynecologist said, “since you’ve had an ectopic before we need to be sure.” So I’ll be going in on Thursday afternoon to “double-check.”

Right now I’m hopeful that this is not an ectopic pregnancy. Since we need to double-check, I can’t say I’m worry free.

 

Confused Over the Signs of Miscarriage, Yet Relieved!

The signs of miscarriage that I was experiencing had me confused, as at that time I wasn’t aware that I was even pregnant. Strangely, my predominant emotion now is relief. Yes, I still cried last night and had a couple of “why did I miscarry?” episodes. However, I am truly relieved. I now know where my bouts of fatigue were coming from. I know why my cycle was so strange. And I know my body is once again capable. And certainly it helps that I found out I miscarried before I knew I was pregnant.

What’s next? My first pregnancy was ectopic. My second pregnancy a miscarriage. The next one could be the one where my body gets it right.

 

Common Miscarriage Symptoms

  • Cramping and pain in lower stomach area
  • Discharge/bleeding of fluid from vagina
  • Discharge of tissue from vagina
  • No longer experiencing the symptoms of pregnancy, that include feeling of nausea and breast tenderness.
  • Fatigue

Jamie Lynn Spears Pregnancy- a Parent’s Point of View

Teenager Pregnancy Conversations with Teens

Kids never stay kids for ever. They will grow into teenagers and parents have the responsibility to guide them as they begin to explore their sexuality and sex. In this post I discuss teen pregnancy and how Moms and Dads can approach this subject with their teens, and I question the publicizing of Jamie Lynn Spears Pregnancy at 16 and the real risk of teen pregnancy for other young teenagers who aspire to be like her.

 

10 USA Teenager Pregnancy Facts

  • 3 out of 10 teenager girls will get pregnant at least once before age twenty. Equating to nearly 750,000 teenager pregnancies each year.
  • The number one reason that teen girls drop out of school is due to being pregnant. More than 50% of teenager Moms never graduate from high school.
  • Approximately 25% of teen Moms have a second baby within 24 months of their first.
  • Less than 2% of teenager Moms gain a college degree by age 30.
  • USA has one of the highest teenager pregnancy rates in the western world.
  • In 2011, the number of teens having babies fell to the lowest level recorded in almost 70 years.
  • In 2008, the teenager pregnancy rate among African-American and Hispanic girls (ages 15 to 19) was over two and a half times greater than the rate among white teen girls of the same age.
  • 8 out of 10 teen Dads don’t marry the Mom of their child.
  • Sexually active teens who don’t use contraceptives has a 9 out of 10 chance of being pregnant within a year.
  • 50%+ of all Moms on welfare had their first child as a teenager.

Reference: dosomething.org

 

Teenagers Having Sex

Jamie Lynn Spears PregnancyOn average, nearly half of teenagers between the ages of 15 and 19 have had sex at least once.

Why exactly is this?

Teenagers rebel and will do what they want when they want much of the time. But, As parents, we are our child’s greatest influence. How are we to expect our children to wait until marriage to have sex, when as adults, so many live with their boyfriends or girlfriends and have children out of wedlock?

I know when I was a child, I based my judgment on right and wrong on what my parents considered right and wrong. I knew when I was doing wrong. And though I did not always make the right decisions, I was aware of my actions.

 

Jamie Lynn Spears Pregnancy

Upon learning about Jamie Lynn Spears becoming pregnant, it is shocking to me how many people are not taken back by this. This ‘child’ is the beautiful, really ‘cool girl’ on television that our Preteen-teen and young teenagers look up to and want to become.

How are we supposed to tell our own children that their virginity is something that should be saved until marriage, when a children’s television channel still airs episodes of Zoey 101 after learning of the teen’s pregnancy?

What we allow our children to watch on television greatly molds their minds into what kind of person they will become. We are becoming desensitized when it comes to the wrongs in the world, that we accept this as the normalcy and look upon good morals as odd. Jamie Spears’s mother, Lynne, even stated that her daughter was in a ‘committed relationship’, so that made it okay?

She was allowing her 16 year old daughter to live with her 19 year old boyfriend. And this is the woman who is writing parenting books? Not only is that wrong, but it is illegal (and for a good reason). What kind of message is this sending to our children?

Of course, her sister, Brittany, was not much help in influencing her. But for Dr. Phil to say that Lynne is a good mother, I no longer trust his advice. Was he paid to say that or is it his judgment that is skewered?

 

What Can Parents Learn From Jamie Lynn Spears Pregnancy?

We teach our children to have safe sex, but we do not tell them that sex before marriage is wrong. We teach them that once they are ‘in love’ or ‘in a committed relationship’ then it is okay. However, young teenagers may consider every relationship as being ‘in love’.

What these young people do not realize is that there are consequences. Sure, babies are cute. Especially the kind that you can give back to the parents when you are done holding them. But if that young person who has a baby, and she wants to go to college or have a career, it will not be easy. Whatever plans they have will most likely be put on hold.

When you have a child, you are then responsible for that person 24 hours a day. And when they are sick, you have to take care of them. You have to feed them and bathe them and diaper them and clothe them (which is extremely expensive). That child is priority over you.

When your friends are having parties or get-togethers, you will probably find that you’ll miss going to them.

Don’t get me wrong, there are many positives to having your own children. However, if you do not have a husband or partner (who you know will be there always) to share the responsibility and expenses with, your life will be challenged.

And many young people do not have the maturity to take on this responsibility. After all, how mature can they be if they are having unprotected sex at such a young age?

 

A Parent’s Responsibility

We need to teach our children right from wrong, and though they will make their own decisions, I want them to know when they are off course. We need to take a stand and screen what kind of things our children see on television. But most of all, we need to be influences on them and positive role models, rather than defending their wrongs.

 

10 Tips for Parents Talking to Teens About Sex and Pregnancy

  • Start early and talk often
  • Keep the language simple and appropriate for age
  • Use correct terms for body functions and parts
  • Utilize teachable moments to open a talk
  • Find out what they already know
  • Speak about more than the facts
  • Provide age-appropriate resources
  • Don’t act like you know it all
  • Provide a safe environment for them to open up and talk
  • Encourage your teen to talk about what they think
  • Be clear on what is socially OK and socially not OK
  • When your teen asks a question, do your best to answer it at the time
  • Be a good listener, rather than doing all the talking

Post Surgery- An Angel in the Night

Post Surgery- An Angel in the Night

I guess I didn’t give it much thought, but the first night post surgery following my ectopic pregnancy is a very long one. My body is exhausted – not really interested in sleep, just in survival mode. Nurses come and go regularly to check my blood pressure, empty my drainage bag, and to give me pain medication.

 

Post Surgery

None of the nurses ever woke me when they came in; I was usually lying in bed with the light on staring at the ceiling.

There were three shifts of nurses. The second shift nurse was there during the most difficult part of the night: when the post surgery pain medication had worn off.

Guardian Angel

She was a petite black woman with the gentlest touch. She came in several times during the night. When I had to take my first trip to the bathroom I pressed the call button and prayed that she was still on duty.

The bathroom was a mere twelve feet away from my bed, but I had been given strict orders not to try it by myself. The door opened and from across the dimly lit room I saw her face and I knew I was in good hands.

Getting Out of Bed Challenge

post surgeryIt’s hard to imagine that getting out of bed can be so difficult. But indeed before I even started to attempt it the nurse gave me instructions, which turned out to be very helpful.

First slide to the edge of the bed, then slowly move your feet off the edge while pulling yourself up on the bar above the bed to a sitting position. As my feet touched the ground, as if out of nowhere, my slippers were already on my feet.

With my arm over her shoulder, the nurse led me to the bathroom and said, “We are strong women, we can do this.” This lady is an angel.

Sure enough, on the way back to my bed I felt a lightheadedness come over me. Not good. I knew I was going to pass out if I didn’t lie down immediately. “I’m light headed,” I confessed.

She said, “OK, let’s hurry.”

Made It

I made it. Lying back down was the greatest feeling. Safety. Comfort. I don’t know that nurse’s name but I will never forget how much she helped me through that night.

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Coping With My Emotions After Miscarriage

signs of miscarriage

As of this morning, the stitches are out. I feel new. The laparoscopic surgery following my miscarriage is all done. That’s the physical side of things, but what about my emotions after miscarriage?

It would be great if it were indeed that easy, but I think there will be bumps along the way. Like this afternoon. Just a few hours after I felt this renewed feeling, no longer being held together by some thread, I felt a deep sad feeling.

 

My Physical Wounds After Laparoscopic Surgery Miscarriage

emotions after miscarriageIt’s like I need to take the time now to lick my wounds – physical and emotional. There are four holes that the doctors used to enter my abdomen for the laparoscopic surgery. My belly button and three equally spaced points all just below my underwear line.

Requiring two stitches, the one on my left didn’t seem to heal too well. The wound is still deep and looks like it won’t be closing anytime soon. I’ve put on Aloe Vera lotion, placed a band over it and watched it turn red throughout the day. Not sure that anything I did made it better, but it was therapeutic to tend to my wounds.

 

Emotions After Miscarriage

The emotional wounds after miscarriage can’t be tended to so easily. It seems that when I least expect it feelings surface – crying for my attention.

My head then fills with thoughts like: “how it could have been to be pregnant with our first child” or “we were so close – literally speaking only a couple of inches” or “will we ever have a child?”

These moments are totally unpredictable. They come when I’m writing an email for work, when I’m on the phone, or when I’m folding my clothes.

The necessities of life are requiring me to move on. How long will I need to deal with the loss of this miscarriage? How can I deal with the pain so that it does not creep into every part of my life? What can I do to help myself recover emotionally from miscarriage?

No one is feeding me answers to these questions. I’m just taking one day at a time.

 

The Positive Side to Miscarriage

I allow myself to cry. I allow myself to be sad. But I redirect my thoughts when I start to wallow in what could have been. I frequently remind myself of my doctor’s advice to look forward, and I try to focus on the positive side of this. Yes, there is a positive side to an ectopic pregnancy.

For me, this is the first sign after three years of trying to get pregnant that it’s been possible. Having an ectopic pregnancy is certainly not something most would chalk up as progress, but I do. There is hope and I will make it through this – bumps and all.

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